Beautifully Broken

How badly I want to tell my story of how grateful I am to have never been fixed. Well, I have been fixed, but that procedure was necessary and covered by insurance and a story for another day. The fix eluded is the fix of insanity. I am beautifully broken, perfectly shattered in pieces. For 33 years I have tried to mold myself in to the world's normal and hide my eccentricity, but it wasn't until my body refused to hide the physical aspects of disease that I made a choice to never try to blend in again. I am a mental, emotional and physical mess, a recipe for disaster that I love because the end product is me.

My desire to share this evening, however, is overtaken by my throat, neck, chest and facial tics. These painful and embarrassing full body annoyances have been a part of life since childhood, but in the last two months taken charge of my days and nights. This new level of distraction is not a set back or discouragement, but does bring frustration and distraction. My impossible expectations are that much harder to achieve and in not reaching that peak of perfectionism, a meltdown looms and the physical anguish soars.

All of this rambling just to say that I need to unload the untold life in my head, but cannot accomplish it the way I planned. I want to share the excitement and intrigue I live each day inside my mind, and the life I have lived outside that most would never imagine.... just not right at this moment because the body and mind I love, sucks! We're working things out through negotiation, and since I'm a great talker, things are sure to be back on track within the day.