Universal Lighting

Makeup is an art form of expression. A woman expresses her mood, her attitude, through the colors and depths of application. Whether she feels energized, alluring, fresh, sassy, depressed, mourning or Au natural, all can be recognized through the brush strokes of cosmetic paint. This is why some days take longer to get ready than others, but if the end result satisfies the dialogue within, then a ten minute late departure from home is well worth it.

Here is where the process becomes tricky. A mirror alone can only cause mental distress when offering a reflection larger than one would like to believe is true. Couple a mirror with less than adequate lighting, and public humiliation is sure to ensue. I will sacrifice pride for the sake of providing an example of such a situation.

As with any typical Sunday morning, I had not planned out an outfit for church. I had applied face makeup and eyebrows, feeling confident everything looked even and natural in my bathroom light. Eyes were left to be done until I decided what color clothes I would wear. Running late, which is SHOCKING for an Ashmore, I settled on a green cami and black skirt (OK, it was a slip, but I wore a slip under the slip and nothing slipped). Because I never venture out of the "natural" look, usually just mascara, I chose to show my spunky mood with green eyeshadow. By the end, I felt amazing! Teeth were brushed, Tina's Spicy Bean & Cheese burrito thrown in to purse and out the door I went.

For whatever reason, some legal thing I suppose, I never drive anywhere. Unless Christie is town, I am a back seat rider, which means no mirror. As we pull in to the church parking lot, I throw on some pale gloss, zip up the stilettos and walk with Given through the doors. As usual, everyone wanted to say hello to Miss Given, but cordially exchange greeting with me, although there always seemed to be a "look". I assumed people were looking at my nose ring, not in a judgemental manner, but because I haven't worn one in a long time. Still feeling confident, especially with my boots, I sauntered in to the foyer and headed for the bathroom.

The build up for when I'm about to check myself in the mirror starts before opening the door. A mental check list is made to save on time and appear less superfically prideful. There wouldn't be much work necessary, just tousle the hair, reapply the gloss and be on my way. Once inside, I turned to the mirror and the horror of what every one's reaction to my face was realized. In front of my eyes was an unrecognizable woman with an oil slick for a forehead, eyes that had been rubbed with fresh cow manure smeared in tar, connect the dots could easily be played on my skin and I did not color within the lines with the lip gloss. For this I blame the lighting industry! If lighting was universal around the world, this travesty would have never occurred. This is a conspiracy conjured up between the lighting and cosmetic industries and I, for one, will not sleep until this injustice is resolved... right after my nap.