Uphill, both ways, in the dirt and wind...

The universal exaggeration for, "When I was your age", stories is the tall tale of walking to school in the snow, uphill both ways and missing a shoe. On this day, my trip was not to school, but to Rite Aid, and there was no snow on the ground, but desert dirt makes for just as difficult a travel, especially when the road is uphill both ways. Struggling through the last leg home, I received a supreme realization of the hurdles blocking my line to success.

By no fault of my own (DUI), I was required (refused transportation offers)to walk a mile to town to pick up some medications (sanity pills). Just as all the days before this, the typical Phelan breeze of 30+mph was in full force and showed no near future signs of relief. With Given in her stroller, the trek always bears an extra degree of difficulty, but with a new symptom of my illness materialized, I felt like an ox on a yoke plowing through with each step. On the way in to town, just as soon as stepping foot on the dirt road, I determined the wind pattern was blowing south and west. Though the wind was against me, little fight was necessary to move forward with ease and reach our destination.

Given and I enjoyed a lovely lunch at Maca Dada's (McDonald's, for you non-toddler owners), walked over to Stater Bros., enjoyed the scenery of natives, purchased some ingredients for dinner (Snickers and peanut-butter) and headed next door to complete the purpose of the trip by picking up my meds. One look outside and I knew, without fail, the wind had picked up and changed directions. The outlook was grim and my only chance for survival was prayer. Before stepping through the automatic doors of Rite Aid I spoke an audible request to God, "Please, God, you know how I feel and what I can handle. I'm tired, my heart hurts, I'm short of breath and my back is on fire. Quiet the wind until I arrive back home. Give me a testimony of how you stilled the sky for someone as small as myself. I will tell everyone of such act of love." With and amen said in the name of Jesus, I set foot outside and started home.

Patience has never been a virtue I exemplify and I had only reached the end of the parking lot before voicing my complaint over the lack of change in atmosphere. "God, my faith knows you can do anything, and will, so why have you not stopped this chaos? Now, let's do this together. One, two, three and STOP." Disappointment ran down my chapped face and anger boiled as I pushed the stroller up Phelan Road, vehicles of all size zoom past, creating a wind pocket the sun shade would catch and stop us in our tracks before punching my body with violent force. My breaking point had arrived. I was angry that no one slowed down to offer a ride, angry my body was against it's own self and angry that God was allowing me to unnecessarily suffer for no obvious reason. "God, you said all I had to do was ask, and you would answer!!" Just as I was about to explode with, "What the <explicative naughty word>. I'm <not so explicative word, but offensive to some>!!" the answer arrived, but not in the form I asked.

Barely able to walk two steps without tears (pity or pain, you decide), I turned off my Ipod to offer full attention to what He wanted me know. The earphones had been removed for less than a second before my lesson was clear and poignant:

No matter which turn you take in life, there is an inescapable uphill battle in waiting. Forces as strong as this wind will be against you in attempt to hold you back. Push through the pain and determine in yourself to reach the crest of path. Do not succumb to doubt, throwing a pity party on the side of the road while you wait to be rescued and carried to a more comfortable setting. Such an immature decision will leave you stranded and stagnant, never moving forward and eventually falling backward, losing sight of your goal."

I humbly acknowledged my fault in attitude and assessed my own failings of progression in life. Now that the great lesson was learned, I assumed God would halt the winds and allow me reprieve the remainder of the walk. So we all know what happens when we assume, and this was no exception:

"You say you cannot go on another step, but there is no truth in that. You have tremendous strength inside that was given to no one else, but you. The tools to succeed lay within your body, mind and soul, the choice to use them is up to you."

Leave it to God to ruin a perfect tantrum opportunity by turning it in to a parable of purpose. Probably best things happened this way so I didn't become known in town as the crazy, cursing, stroller lady of Phelan Road... though it does flow naturally off the tongue.